When it comes to fear around showing up, I know a thing or two!
For years, I battled with this inner tug of war between knowing my potential and capabilities as an actress. A big sh*t ton of fear and self-worth issues holding me back. Screaming at me to stop at all costs in case I made a fool out of myself.
One day, after the gazillionth messed up audition due to horrendous nerves. I decided to draw one big, deep line in the sand. I did the inner work, saw a hypnotherapist, coach and performance psychologist.
Then, I learnt and practiced everything I could to change this pattern of self-sabotage, and I finally kicked it.
When I began to move into the world of entrepreneurship and coaching, the same skills and lessons served me again. I was able to go live and share what I did fairly easily, the same rules still applied.
Now let me be clear, none of this means I am now fearless. Fear still crops up whenever I’m doing something new, or stepping out into new territory and making that up-level… and that’s normal…but my relationship with fear is now veeerrry different.
So how did I do it?
Here are a few tips, and re-frames that helped me.
And if you implement them, can absolutely help you too!
1. Follow the fear.
Usually we see fear as a very bad thing, and to be avoided at all costs! So when the ‘what if’s…’ about the worst possible outcomes pop up, we bat them away and try not to look at them. OR we end up driving ourselves into anxiety and overwhelm with them but never dare to answer that question.
When we actually look at our worst fears around those nightmare scenarios we imagine in our minds. It’s as if we are allowing our inner wiser parent to shine the flash torch under the bed and actually see if there is a monster there after all.
When we take these worst fears OUT of the hypothetical and actually ask them as genuine questions. We find out that even the worst possible outcome is dealable. It is recoverable from. This will not leave us homeless or dead or be career suicide.
Once you’ve answered that what if with a genuine answer, keep going further…’and THEN what would happen/what would I do?”, “and THEN what?”. Follow that terrible scenario all the way to it’s end.
2. What is the risk of staying where you are?
Once you know what the worst possible outcome looks like, allow yourself to explore the risks involved in NOT taking any action. What will it cost you to stay where you are right now? How does it feel to imagine your default future, being in the same place one year, five years, ten years from now?
Often we realise that the risks involved in not taking the action that scares us in the moment are actually far worse, more painful and more likely than the risk of facing the fear and doing it anyway!
3. In the moment of action…forget the zen and embrace your adrenaline!
This one’s a bit longer to explain…
Now don’t get me wrong, mindfulness and learning to spend more time in our parasympathetic nervous system is incredibly valuable and will add to your life and business in countless ways. But to try to pretend you’re meditating when you’re doing something new will often go against you, not with you.
If you’re venturing into new territory, your evolutionary psychology is going to kick in and all those adrenal symptoms will likely present themselves. Your primal mind doesn’t like anything where it can’t predict the outcome and that it doesn’t recognise and will do all it can to make you do a u-turn and jump ship!
Rather than seeing this as negative and trying to deep breathe our way through, it works for many to embrace it and flip the switch in a different way…
The difference in our body between the physical sensations and symptoms of fear and excitement are pretty much nil… Our minds our just making sense of our body’s response in a different way – one being positive and the other negative and dangerous. So, when you feel your heart racing, your mouth drying up, and your hands shaking, give your mind a different reason and story!
Why are you so excited? Base it on something true?
If you’re scared of flying and you start getting the jeepers just before take off, get that excited anchor thought out and put it to use: “I’m SO excited to get to our destination”. “I’m SO excited to step into the sea”. If it’s a live you’re doing, how about: “I’m SO excited to share my value”, or even “I’m SO excited to have that feeling of pride when I’ve done this”.
Really go there and rather than trying to calm down, allow your fear to turn into excitement. This your brain can buy way more easily then ‘I’m calm, I’m calm”. That way you show up with energy, infectious excitement and using that added focus and sharpness of the adrenaline in you to totally smash it!
There are so many more tools and techniques I could share with you, and that’s exactly what I’m doing in my new freebie – 7 hacks to get over your fear of going live, which is coming soon (as I write this on 1st Feb 2021)…so keep an eye out on my IG account and Website! If you found this useful then make sure to grab it once it’s here for tips that take you even further towards that confident and inspiring going liver!!
I believe in you. You can do this. And remember… someone is waiting out there for you to get your sh*t together asap, so you can help them, because they can only hear what they need to hear from you!
Love and light,